To start a counseling session I ask clients, “What do you hope to gain from coming to therapy and what might you need to let go of?” In short, having clients identify their goals for therapy to make our work together more efficient. Starting the attending and befriending right away.
Interestingly, the overwhelming majority of people say, “I want to get rid of anxiety” as what they hope to gain. And they struggle to identify what they need to let go of to rid themselves of anxiety permanently.
It makes sense that they cannot come up with this answer. Because getting rid of anxiety is an unrealistic goal.
Let me explain.
When we feel anxious, the brain delivers a message of danger or threat detection. In short, something is missing or wrong. The brain creates this discomfort in the body and mind to engage you. So you take action to deal with the danger.
We do not want to get rid of this practice of scanning to keep ourselves safe. Instead, we need to develop a healthier relationship amongst our bodies, minds, and brains.
So, the signal of anxiety doesn’t overwhelm us. But rather, propel us into healthy action.
Attending and befriending
From here, we can guess that we need to let go of the misunderstandings about anxiety and our sense of helplessness to manage our mind, brain, and body’s reaction to the signals of danger.
You can attend and befriend to your interior landscape to skillfully identify, understand, express, and manage your thoughts, feelings, perceptions, beliefs, and body sensations.
In short, you can bring the nervous system under your command. Over time, you may even experience less anxiety because you are making frequent u-turns to your interior landscape.
Attending and befriending your mental activity helps keep worry, concern, confusion, and other emotions from becoming anxiety.
While eliminating anxiety seems like an unrealistic and unwise goal, minimizing anxiety does track. When you use the tools your therapist provides, you will find reliable, effective strategies for regulating all emotions, not just anxiety.
To learn more, contact me for a session. Or, check out my Instagram and You Tube channel.