When your child’s behavior feels out of control, it can be hard to know what to do first. You may feel overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, or like you have already tried everything. When parenting gets overwhelming, it’s time to consider alternative ways of being with your child.
That is why I created a self-paced, online course for parents called “Parenting Doesn’t Have to Be This Hard: strategies for out-of-control behavior”.
Feel free to check it out now or explore this incredible resource after reading through my free guide below.
The strategies I offer aren’t clickbait or influencer fluff: they are strategies that have proven to be effective. Strategies backed by science, not opinion.
If you need help implementing these tips, reach out to me for individual support. Why wait and suffer? Help is available. I offer one-on-one coaching sessions to help you with parenting challenges.
Utilizing my experience as both a preschool teacher and a therapist, I combine science with practical experience to help you bring about the changes you desire. Clicking on that link will take you to my page for both the course and coaching.
The Free Parenting Guide
The guide walks you through five parenting moves that help prevent challenging behavior from escalating.
1. Show Your Child Their Perspective Matters: attuned engagement
Yes, your child has a perspective; meaning, they have thoughts, feelings, perceptions, beliefs, and physical sensations that drive their behavior. Your job is to attune to that perspective and show them, not tell them, you understand.
When you only focus on the form of the behavior (biting, punching, screaming, ignoring, running away, eye rolling, etc.) and not what is driving it, you may make the behavior worse. Why? Because the child doesn’t feel like you are considering them. Don’t you expect others to consider your perspective?
2. Be a Signal of Welcome, Not Warning
The “old-school” approach to parenting was to wield power over children to scare them into behaving. Ugh! That has been shown to be horrible for children. Why? Because fear is like acid to a child’s developing brain.
You may temporarily stop the behavior, but at a cost. Children learn, over time, that you are not to be trusted. You are dangerous. That is not a good parenting strategy; instead, learn how to be a signal of welcome while teaching them “what to do instead.”
3. Be Mindful of What You Say and How You Say It
Ever hear the phrase, “How you say it matters more than what you say”? It’s true, especially for children. In the guide, I will explain why this is true and how you might consider both your verbal and nonverbal behavior in relation to inadvertently escalating the behavior.
4. Remain Sturdy
What does sturdy mean? Well, in the guide, I will tell you. But preview: it doesn’t mean scary or powerful. It means self-regulated, connected, and calm. Oops: spoiler alert!
5. Be Curious
This one seems to be the hardest for adults. I get it. Seems counterintuitive to be curious when your child spits on you or throws her toys at you, right?
When you pause to “see the child behind the behavior,” though, you learn what is driving the behavior so you can help your child express themself more adaptively. Not stop the behavior but rather teach them what to do instead. And you cannot do this if you are not curious!
Help is Here: your free guide
If your child’s behavior feels intense, overwhelming, or out of control, this guide gives you a place to start. My approach is all about prevention, promotion, and intervention.
You try to prevent as many challenges as possible by promoting the social, emotional, cognitive, and relational skills the child needs, then you intervene when they don’t have the skill or are unable to perform it in the moment.
Please let me know what you think of this guide. Remember: these strategies might take time to “work,” so you need to stick with them. Give them time to be effective.
If you need one-on-one support with parenting, please email me or request a coaching session online here:
When you are ready to go even deeper, to optimize your parenting efforts toward a more peaceful home, try out my parenting course. I’ve designed it for your ease and comfort: access it at your own pace from your living room:
You might find this article filled with brain development information helpful as you implement the strategies in this guide: Seeing the Child Behind the Behavior.
For even more parenting, child development, and mental health tips, please visit my website: consulting.laurafishtherapy.com and laurafishtherapy.com.
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