Want to Prevent Challenging Behavior and Promote Social, Emotional, and Relational Skills? Try replacing praise with positive, descriptive acknowledgment (PDA) and positive, descriptive acknowledgement plus (PDA Plus). You can jump right to my article on PDA and PDA Plus here, or read more before you try it out!
What Is Positive, Descriptive Acknowledgment?
Positive, descriptive acknowledgment explains itself: you acknowledge and describe a child’s positive behavior. The caveat? Leave out any of the praise “labels” such as “good job,” “I like that,” “you are so smart,” or “you are being good.” But why eliminate those phrases?
Because when we praise, we don’t give the child or person enough information. Meaning, my teacher said “good job” when I put my toys away, but good job for what? The child remembers the good job, but they don’t often connect it to putting the toys away. PDA/PDA Plus encourages us to focus on the specifics of what the child did well, fostering deeper understanding and internal growth. And from there, they learn and repeat those positive behaviors.
The Shift from Praise to PDA/PDA Plus
In the article I co-wrote with Dr. Craig Zercher, we outline the practice of positive, descriptive acknowledgment (PDA) and PDA Plus as replacement strategies for praise. By shifting from praise to PDA/PDA Plus, you connect more authentically with your child—building both interpersonal attunement and intrapersonal attunement. When children feel seen and understood, they are more likely to adopt adaptive behaviors, and challenging behavior tends to decrease. Please read the article for an in-depth exploration of this important topic.
The Neuroscience Behind PDA
When adults describe children’s positive actions aloud without using generic praise, they engage the brain circuitry that promotes self-understanding. Think of it as gently illuminating the parts of the brain responsible for recognizing effort and learning. Over time, as children repeatedly hear detailed observations about their actions, they begin to internalize a richer sense of self-worth. This process supports the development of both the heart and the mind.
Inter-personal Attunement: Feeling Seen
The practice of PDA promotes connection. When a caregiver or teacher uses PDA, they communicate that they notice the child’s unique way of interacting with the world. This level of presence builds trust and safety, which are essential for emotional growth. A child who feels genuinely seen is more likely to feel valued and understood, leading to more adaptive behavior over time.
Intra-personal Attunement: Building Self-Understanding
Beyond interpersonal connections, PDA supports intrapersonal attunement—helping children build a connection to their interior landscape. As children learn to understand and articulate their own positive behaviors, they develop the confidence to draw on these strengths. This internal dialogue is crucial for long-term self-regulation and resilience. Instead of relying solely on external labels for validation, children learn to recognize and appreciate their own abilities and efforts.
The Limitations of Praise
Traditional praise, while well-intentioned, often reduces the rich, multifaceted nature of a child’s effort into a simple label. Generic phrases like “good job” or “you’re so smart” may provide immediate gratification, but they do little to help children understand the specific reasons why their behavior was effective. As a result, praise can sometimes lead to a dependency on external validation rather than fostering internal self-assurance. I often say, “Praise is like sugar, PDA/Plus is like vegetables. Sugar has no nutritive value. Vegetables do.”
The Role of PDA in Reducing Challenging Behavior
When adults positively, descriptively acknowledge children, they feel seen and validated. This emotional validation can diminish the need for attention-seeking or challenging behaviors that sometimes arise from feeling unseen or misunderstood. As a therapist, I’ve seen that when children internalize a sense of being truly seen and known, their behavior naturally shifts toward more adaptive responses. Because their nervous system settles. Their brains pick up on signals of safety from the acknowledgment of their efforts. Over time, the child feels seen, soothed, safe, and secure. The Four S’s of Attachment.
Expanding the Practice Beyond Children
Although PDA and PDA Plus work powerfully with children, these strategies apply for adults in both personal and professional settings. When we move from praise to PDA/Plus, we create an environment where everyone feels truly seen. Whether you are working with colleagues, friends, or loved ones, adopting a PDA approach can foster deeper connections and mutual respect.
A Call to Reflect and Act
Take a moment to reflect on your own interactions. How regularly do you praise? What might change if you began to focus on the specific details of someone’s behavior? Imagine the impact on a child’s developing self-concept when they hear exactly what made their effort stand out. Now imagine how PDA/Plus might transform your work relationships…and your personal relationships! This practice not only nurtures adaptive behavior but also meets the three basic needs of humans: to be safe, satisfied, and connected!
Embrace the Power of Being Seen
Positive, descriptive acknowledgment is more than a strategy—it’s a way of being that nurtures both the heart and mind. It invites us to notice not just observe. To recognize and describe positive actions allowed instead of relying on canned praise phrases like “good job” or “I liked that.” In doing so, we help children and adults alike build a more authentic and resilient sense of self.
By embracing this approach, you offer the gift of true connection—a way for each individual to feel seen, heard, and valued for the richness of their experience. How might you begin incorporating this approach into your daily interactions? Reflect on the language you use and consider how a small shift in words can lead to profound changes in the way we connect and grow together.
Again, please read the article for even more information on this important topic. As a bonus, here is a link to a free tip sheet on how to use PDA/PDA Plus with preschool children (but you can look at it and figure out how to adapt the language for any age person). Then, contact me for training on how to develop the skill of positive, descriptive, acknowledgment. Please visit me on Instagram, Facebook, or You Tube for more articles, videos, podcasts, and conversations about how to prevent challenging behavior!