Want to prevent challenging behavior and promote social, emotional, and relational Skills? Try replacing praise with positive, descriptive acknowledgment (PDA) and positive, descriptive acknowledgment plus (PDA Plus).
You can jump right to my article on PDA and PDA Plus here, or read more before you try it out!
What Is PDA/PDA Plus?
Positive, descriptive acknowledgment (PDA) explains itself: you acknowledge and describe a child’s positive behavior. PDA Plus is when you add a bit to the positive behavior you observed. Either an emotion, a character trait, or the outcome.
The caveat? Leave out any of the praise “labels” such as “good job,” “I like that,” “you are so smart,” or “you are being good.”
In the article I co-wrote with Dr. Craig Zercher, we go into greater detail about the practice of positive, descriptive acknowledgment (PDA) and PDA Plus. Making the case for getting rid of praise. By shifting from praise to PDA/PDA Plus, you connect more authentically with your child—building both inter-personal attunement and intra-personal attunement.
But why eliminate praise?
Because research has show that praise does not improve self-esteem. In fact, it can hinder the growth of healthy self-understanding and acceptance of self.
When we praise, we don’t give the child or person enough information for them to develop a sense of self. Meaning, my teacher said “good job” when I put my toys away, but good job for what?
And, praise sets children up to be reliant upon extrinsic motivation instead of intrinsic motivation. The child becomes motivated to please the adult. Instead of motivation coming from within. More on that in my article linked above!
The child remembers the good job phrase, but they don’t often connect it to putting the toys away. They aren’t taught anything by being told “good job.” Sadly, the child liked that you seemed happy, but didn’t learn about themselves at all.
PDA/PDA Plus encourages us to describe aloud the specific behaviors. You name what the child did, fostering deeper understanding and internal growth. When they put the toys away, you don’t praise with “Good job!” Instead, you say something like, “You put all the toys away. You are being so helpful.”
Can you see how the PDA Plus informs the child of their actions and connects them to outcomes? You put the toys away (action). You are being helpful (the outcome is you are developing the trait of helpfulness).
With this, they learn that putting toys away means they are being helpful. If that felt good to them, they are more likely to repeat those positive behaviors.
Shift from Praise to PDA/PDA Plus
When children feel seen and understood, they are more likely to adopt adaptive behaviors, and challenging behavior tends to decrease. Praise doesn’t help them feel seen. PDA/PDA Plus keeps the gaze on the child.
Let me share a few examples of PDA/Plus before we dive deeper. Notice with PDA/Plus, you use the child’s name or the word “you.” Avoid “I notice” or “I see.” That makes it about you, not the child. Notice the difference in the chart below.
| Instead of Praising with…. | Try PDA/PDA Plus by…. |
| You did great! | Simone, you cleaned up all the plates! (PDA) |
| I like it when you sit at circle. | Pablo, you are sitting patiently at circle (behavior). You are being so respectful. (character trait) |
| I’m so proud of you! | Talia, you worked so hard on that project (behavior). You didn’t give up. You must be so proud of yourself (emotion) |
| I noticed you took your tray to the sink. Thank you. | You took your tray to the sink (behavior)! Now we can use the table for the puzzle! (impact/outcome) |
The Neuroscience Behind PDA
When adults describe children’s positive actions aloud without using generic praise, they engage the brain circuitry that promotes self-understanding. Think of it as gently illuminating the parts of the brain responsible for recognizing effort and learning.
Over time, as children repeatedly hear detailed observations about their actions, they begin to internalize a richer sense of self-worth. They develop an “internal narrative” that reflects their skills and abilities.
For instance, if you say to a child “good job” because they put away the dishes their internal narrative might be “I’m a good job!” If you give a PDA/PDA Plus instead, their internal narrative reflects self-understanding, “I put the dishes away. I am responsible.”
Which seems more nutritive to the child’s self-esteem to you?
Inter-personal Attunement: Feeling Seen
The practice of PDA promotes connection. When a caregiver or teacher uses PDA/PDA Plus, they communicate their awareness. They notice the child’s unique way of interacting with the world. This level of presence builds trust and safety, which are essential for emotional growth.
A child who feels genuinely seen is more likely to feel valued and understood. This leads to more adaptive behavior over time.
Inter-personal attunement means the adult tunes into the child’s behavior AND interior landscape. You notice and name the behaviors, you might guess at the thoughts and feelings. For example, you give this PDA Plus “Jacob, you finished all your homework. You must be excited that you bought yourself time for video games before bed.”
That is inter-personally attuning to Jacob’s behavior (what you see). And then attempting to see/know/understand his interior landscape as well (his feeling excited).
Intra-personal Attunement: Building Self-Understanding
Beyond interpersonal connections, PDA supports intrapersonal attunement—helping children build a connection to their interior landscape. As children learn to understand and articulate their own positive behaviors, they develop the confidence to draw on these strengths.
This connection to their mental activity is crucial for long-term self-regulation and resilience. Instead of relying solely on external labels for validation, children learn to recognize and appreciate their own abilities and efforts.
In therapy with adults, developing the skill of making what I call the “u-turn inward” takes a long time. This skill helps them identify, understand, and express their thoughts. It also helps them express their emotions and sensations.
Why?
Because we have raised children on praise not PDA. They are trained to look externally, not internally. Stay with me here.
A parent praises. Lots of “I like it when you….” or “I notice you….” or “You did it just like I told you.” Those phrases encourage the child to look outside of themselves at what the adult likes/notices/told them to do.
Versus, PDA/Plus. You never use I statements to avoid it being about the adult. Instead, you use the child’s name or “you” to keep the focus on the child. And you don’t share your opinion. The child will know you like it or are proud or think it’s good when you give PDA/Plus by your tone of voice and body language.
Replacing praise with PDA/Plus, though, is hard. People tell me it’s like learning a new language. It’s a new way of speaking. You have to break your praise habit. But that is all it is: a habit. It’s not a healthy one.
The Limitations of Praise
Traditional praise, while well-intentioned, often reduces the rich, multifaceted nature of a child’s effort into a simple label. Generic phrases like “good job” or “you’re so smart” may provide immediate gratification, but they do little to help children understand the specific reasons why their behavior was effective. As a result, praise can sometimes lead to a dependency on external validation rather than fostering internal self-assurance. I often say, “Praise is like sugar, PDA/Plus is like vegetables. Sugar has no nutritive value. Vegetables do.”
The Role of PDA in Reducing Challenging Behavior
When adults positively, descriptively acknowledge children, they feel seen and validated. This emotional validation can diminish the need for attention-seeking or challenging behaviors that sometimes arise from feeling unseen or misunderstood.
As a trauma therapist, I’ve seen that when children internalize a sense of being truly seen and known, their behavior naturally shifts toward more adaptive responses. Because their nervous system settles.
Their brains pick up on signals of safety from the acknowledgment of their efforts. Over time, the child feels seen, soothed, safe, and secure. The Four S’s of Attachment.
Expanding the Practice Beyond Children
Although PDA and PDA Plus work powerfully with children, these strategies apply for adults in both personal and professional settings. When we move from praise to PDA/Plus, we create an environment where everyone feels truly seen. Whether you are working with colleagues, friends, or loved ones, adopting a PDA approach can foster deeper connections and mutual respect.
A Call to Reflect and Act
Take a moment to reflect on your own interactions. How regularly do you praise? What are your thoughts about what you are hearing so far about the risks with praise? What might change if you began to focus on the specific details of someone’s behavior?
Now imagine how PDA/Plus might transform your relationships with children…and adults! This practice nurtures adaptive behavior. It also meets the three basic needs of humans: to be safe (emotionally), satisfied, and connected!
Embrace the Power of Being Seen
Positive, descriptive acknowledgment is more than a strategy—it’s a way of being that nurtures both the heart and mind. It invites us to notice not just observe.
To recognize and describe positive actions allowed instead of relying on canned praise phrases like “good job” or “I liked that.” In doing so, we help children and adults alike build a more authentic and resilient sense of self.
By embracing this approach, you offer the gift of true connection. It is a way for each individual to feel seen, heard, and valued for the richness of their experience. How might you begin incorporating this approach into your daily interactions?
Reflect on the language you use. Consider how a small shift in words can lead to profound changes. These changes influence the way we connect and grow together.
Again, please read my in-depth PDA/PDA Plus article for more examples, ways to start implementing, and more of the important outcomes.
As a bonus, download my free tip sheet on how to use PDA/PDAPlus with preschool children. You can use it to adapt the language for children through adults.
Then, contact me for training on how to develop the skill of positive, descriptive, acknowledgment. Please visit me on Instagram, Facebook, or You Tube for more articles, videos, podcasts, and conversations about how to prevent challenging behavior!