Category: Mindfulness

Finding your Bliss

In his sculpture, Bliss Dance, Marco Cochrane depicts a woman who is “genuinely happy in her own space,” so she dances.

When I stumbled upon this 40-foot tall sculpture on a freezing cold, yet crystal clear evening exploring San Francisco’s Treasure Island back in 2013, I was literally awestruck. Not only was she beautiful, with the ever- changing lights casting different hues upon her from below, but the backdrop of the Bay Bridge and San Francisco skyline made her seem utterly human.

It occurred to me that this type of freedom, presence, disinhibition and yes, bliss, was possible. I felt it standing there.

But what is bliss, and how do you find it? I believe these answers are vastly different for each person; however, to be genuinely happy in your “space” as Cochrane calls it you may have to do some cleaning up of that said space.

To begin, ask yourself, “What might I need to leave behind and what might I want to call forward into my life to find bliss?” Listen deeply to what comes to you.

For many of us, the clutter of unmet childhood needs, lingering adolescent hurts, relationship disappointments, work failures, or other social and emotional life wounds make their way into our current lives, impacting our thoughts, feelings, behaviors…with or without our awareness. When we slow down, become still and allow ourselves to notice, it may become clear that our space is too crowded.

Clearing the path to bliss begins with introspection, being curious about the interior landscape of your body and mind in order to promote integration. Approaching what you find in your space with openness and objectivity is the next step toward that integration, a way of organizing the clutter, and maybe even moving some out for good. Yet the goal is not to eliminate those life objects occupying your space, but to dance despite their presence, with full awareness of the role they might play in your happiness.

I encourage you to look for bliss in moments of time, not hours, days, or years. If you feel the bliss dance moment, take it…but be open to finding it on a cold, clear night, in the middle of a field on an island floating atop San Francisco Bay.

 

 

Believe in change…

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks!” This outdated aphorism is actually quite false.

Luckily, neuroscientists have shown that the brain actually has the ability to grow, or change, throughout the life span. This means you absolutely can teach that “old dog” new ways of being in the world. My job is to help you figure out what it is you want to change and how you might go about it.

In therapy, we will follow these steps to affect change:

1.  Clarify what you want: many times we get stuck in old patterns of thinking or behaving because we know we want to stop these things, but we don’t envision what another way of being might look like. It’s important to have a clear vision for what you are working toward in order to chart your course. I will help you break down broad goals such as, “I just want to feel better,” or “I want to be happy in my relationships,” into clear objectives that we can work toward such as “I want to be able to let go of troubling thoughts more easily” or “I want to learn steps for resolving conflicts and moving on after they occur” or “I want my partner and I to talk about tough issues calmly and compassionately.” In therapy, I refer to this as clarifying what you want to call forward into your life.

2.  Identify the source of the struggle:  through listening deeply to the story of your lived experience, I will help you identify where some of the behaviors you want to change come from and how they became so seemingly entrenched; in short, why you do what you do. This matters because, in order to affect lasting change, it helps to begin at the source just as you pull a weed out at its root so it doesn’t grow back. In therapy, this may involve starting with healing past wounds, understanding how behaviors may have served you at one time in your life or revealing the brain reasons for your behavior. I call it identifying what you want to leave behind.

3.  Chart your course for change: now that you have an idea of what you want to leave behind and what you want to call forward, how do you get there?  Having listened deeply to you during steps 1 and 2, I will offer a set of strategies tailored to your unique life experience for you to choose from to make the changes you desire.  Your job is to have the courage and commitment to try the strategies out. It isn’t always easy!

The steps for change have no set time frame. Everyone goes through them at a different pace depending upon their reflective capacity, the intensity of the issue, and their willingness to implement the strategies for change. To help, I will provide you with guidance on how to take the steps with self-compassion and mindfulness, pausing throughout to celebrate your efforts.

There is no shortcut to lasting change, but the path may be made more smooth and efficient when you work with someone like myself who possesses knowledge of the connection between brain, mind, and relationships and how to use that knowledge to create choice and change.