Are you an AWARE parent?

Attuned, Willing, Available, Responsive, Emotionally Intelligent

AWARE parenting is an approach I created based on a confluence of practices from various parenting, psychological, sociological, and neuroscientific influences.

The approach starts with adults committing to a stance of openness and receptivity in regard to caring for their children. From there, I delve into the five components of AWARE parenting designed to capture some of the key practices that promote social and emotional development, prevent challenging behavior, and offer interventions for challenges that arise.

In trainings or in private practice sessions with parents, we explore the five components of AWARE parenting. Let me briefly highlight them here:

Attuned parents are curious about their child’s internal landscape: what is she thinking, feeling, believing, understanding? By considering your child’s perspective, you communicate with your child, not to your child, in the context of back and forth exchanges that convey the message, “I see you, I hear you. You matter to me.”

Willing means a willingness to parent with intentionality, thoughtful self-reflection, ongoing exploration of child development, and a deep commitment to understanding the child behind the behavior. Parents who are willing engage in ways that are developmentally appropriate for each individual child, not with a one size fits all approach.

Available includes being both physically AND emotionally present.

Responsive is an integrated state of being that allows parents to consider how to respond to their children in the moment versus reacting to behaviors without consideration. Reactivity often leads to shaming and blaming children, while responsivity creates opportunities for children to learn while also salvaging the connection with the parent.

Emotionally Intelligent parents tune in to their interior landscape (feelings that arise when buttons get pushed) as a first step to teaching their children how to identify, understand, express and THEN manage their emotions.

With the AWARE framework, you will gain an understanding of the brain reasons for children’s behaviors as well as the mind methods for how to bring about the desired changes. You will be parenting based on science, not habits, to promote healthy development of the child’s mind, brain and relationships.

AWARE parenting is a process that constantly evolves with the child, not a step-by-step approach. It is a framework that provides parents with the structure to guide their parenting along with the freedom to choose developmentally appropriate practices that align with their family culture; strategies that fit with their values, perceptions, and beliefs.

For more information about AWARE parenting, child development, or support for your family, please visit www.laurafishtherapy.com or email me at laura@laurafishtherapy.com.  I’m happy to help.

Building Trust in Relationships

No matter what the content of the conflict that couples present during therapy, the process of healing always includes rebuilding the trust that has been eroded. Loss of trust does not just come from cheating or lying, it suffers wounds from the elements of ongoing conflict: feelings of not being heard, considered, understood, valued, or loved.

Over time, dissent likely leads to disconnection, and the loss of trust that one’s partner really is capable of, and interested in, being “on my side,” as couples so often put it.

My approach to rebuilding trust begins with teaching clients how to notice and tune into moments that offer an invitation to turn toward their partner, tune into their perspective, and validate their thoughts, feelings, and sensations.  With repetition, each member of the couple may re-build a sense of connection, feeling felt, and being understood by the other that serves to buoy them in times of stress.

When conflict arises, as it will, each member of the couple may be better equipped to handle the tension that arises, because his or her “emotional fuel tank” has been filled by deep listening, perspective taking, and emotional validation. Each person can trust that the other genuinely cares, clearly understands, and holds the other’s best interest at heart because of the moments that have been spent tuning into each other.

Dr. John Gottman calls this building trust in “Sliding door moments.” Listen to what he has to say about trust:

I collaborate with couples to help them identify and maximize those “Sliding Door” moments in order to protect the relationship from the divisive effects of turning away or turning toward the other with defensiveness, shame, and blame that lead to lost of trust.

I’ve adapted the “ATTUNE” framework Gottman mentions and added in a version to be used with emotionally charged topics that couples repeatedly bump up against. I find with practice, couples stop bringing in “issues” for me to help them resolve because they have a framework for communicating about whatever arises with a sense of confidence, connection and clarity. It’s incredible to witness people rediscovering the love they still feel for the other when they feared it might be lost.

Find out more about the process of rebuilding trust with attuned communication by emailing me today: laura@laurafishtherapy.com.

 

The Power of Attention to Create Choice and Change

“Where attention goes, neural firing flows, and integration grows.” Daniel Siegel’s pithy phrase helps us remember that what we learn, what we master, starts with what we attend to…or what we don’t! You can’t control thoughts, but you can change your relationship with the thoughts.

Start by pausing now, closing your eyes, and just noticing what is your mind doing right now? Observe, do thoughts come and go rapidly, are they connected, is there a space between them?

Tuning in is the first step on the path toward using the power of attention to create choice and change, taking yourself off autopilot mode by simply asking yourself, “What’s there?” when it comes to your thoughts, feelings, sensations. For a nice introduction to this topic, watch Rick Hanson describe attention and some of the benefits you might receive by using your mind to change your brain.

Email me for more information or for group trainings I offer for teachers and parents regarding observation, mindfulness, and rewiring the brain.

 

Attuned Interactions and Contingent Communication

If you would like to learn about an approach for connecting with children to prevent challenging behavior and promote healthy development, please listen to me discuss Attunement and Contingent Communication on the Early Childhood Research Podcast, Episode 19:

Attunement is believed to be one of the 9 functions of the pre-frontal cortex, a highly integrative area of the brain necessary for healthy social and emotional development as well as cognitive functioning. Find out more about this important topic by listening to the podcast.

Thank you so much to Liz Hah for asking me to join her on the program. Please visit her website for more wonderful podcasts as well as free downloads to support young children’s healthy development: http://www.lizs-early-learning-spot.com/

You can also find a written transcript of this podcast there along with some cool graphics Liz designed.

Please let me know what you think of the episode as well as any questions you might have about how I might help you learn the strategies discussed in the interview.

Check back soon for more blog posts regarding ways to promote social and emotional development in children!